A Beginner’s Guide to Femininity

What is it to be feminine? How does one define femininity? Femininity is defined as the quality of being a woman or being female. Arguably, it is a socially constructed attribute, however, it is largely based on human female nature, much like how masculinity is largely based on male nature.

There are two main ways that one can define femininity as an attribute: physical femininity and feminine personality. As humans, we can have both feminine and masculine traits in our appearance as well as in our personality.

Physically, feminine characteristics are mostly concerned with soft curves, which includes those of the face. High cheek bones, soft lips, soft and petite chins are all attributed to feminine qualities. How we dress ourselves and the shape of our bodies are also large contributors to our overall femininity. Fortunately for us, personality counts a lot as well. A beautiful, feminine looking woman can remove herself from being considered feminine when she is crass, loud, or if she swears like a sailor.

Curves can be important for feminine qualities, however, they are not necessary to present as a feminine woman. Large breasts and hips don’t equate to being a soft, loving, and gentle woman. Even the slenderest woman with petite womanly features can accent her potential curves with the right outfit.

Aly Art on YouTube has a few amazing videos on finding out your body type and how to dress up your body type. I highly recommend all of her beauty-related videos. She comes off as a very feminine woman and has a lot of great insight.

Looks aside, a lot of what captures the essence of femininity is being calm, graceful, and gentle. Let’s do away with the trending mantra of “if you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.” Although not inherently bad, this quote is self-indulgent and removes all accountability of the individual for their actions. Your worst need not be so terrible that you require a quote to act as your scapegoat.

Here are a few ways you can train yourself to become more feminine in your daily life:

5 Quick Ways to Become More Feminine

  1. Practice your smile. I know, I know… There is a lot of kerfuffle about those who tell us “smile!” But there is a reason for it. It allows you to be seen as more kind and more approachable. Are you more likely to want to engage with someone who appears grouchy or someone who appears as though they are enjoying themselves?
  2. Learn to let go. Someone cut you off in traffic. Your husband left his socks on the floor, again! Just breathe. Life is far too short for unnecessary anger. “That’s okay.” Becoming irritated at the little things builds up your anger all around. The next time something minor bothers you, really analyze it in your head: “is this really that bad? In one week, am I going to care about this happening today?” Talk yourself our of your irritation and just… let it go.
  3. Mind your posture. I don’t mean to say that you need to pretend that there is a string holding your head up so that we can practice walking with books on your head. Just stand up comfortably straight and avoid crossing your arms or placing your hands on your hips — both of these can make you come off as hostile or unfriendly. Confidence is incredibly feminine.
  4. Remove sour language from your vocabulary. If you stub your toe in the middle of the night, I won’t judge you for letting out an unsavory word or two, but if we are having coffee and you use swears as an adjective, it once again makes you come off as hostile and less classy. This isn’t about simply swearing, either, it is about removing negative talk. Avoiding complaining about little things or getting caught up in drama, which brings us to the next point,
  5. Be a source of positivity! No one wants to be around a Debby Downer and we all know this. When we think of the classic mom from decades past, we think of a extremely feminine woman who would be a source of positivity in her home. Don’t complain about that person who cut you off in traffic. Don’t complain about your husband’s dirty socks and refer back to #2 on this list! Say nice things about other people; practice your compliments. While we are on this subject, avoid gossiping. It is a very unattractive trait.

Practicing these ideas and skills each day will help rewire your brain in such a way that it will become more natural to you. If it feels forced at first, stick with it as it will soon become a very natural part of your being.

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